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Paw relations

Cat: You’re looking at me as though I shouldn’t be crapping in your garden.
MG: You read my mind. Well done.
Cat: And …
MG: … and now I’m thinking …
Cat: … where did I put my air pistol?
MG: Not quite.
Cat: Phew!
MG: It’s in my pocket here but the neighbours can see us.
Cat: Oh.
MG: Mm.
Cat: Is … your dog friend around?
MG: He is.
Cat: Only I know how much he likes to eat these things.
MG: Look, the whole point of me getting a dog was to stop having my garden being used as a cat toilet.
Cat: But now it’s a dog toilet.
MG: Yes, but somehow that’s infinitely more acceptable and I can’t quite fathom why. Except that I hate cats.
Cat: Not as much as cats hate you.
MG: No, that would be a tall order.
Cat: I’ll go now then.
MG: Good.
Cat: But I will be back when your idiot friend isn’t paying attention.
MG: Bring your friends, why don’t you.
Cat: Cheerio Loser.
MG: Cassumfrassumrassumrickrastardly! …. Oi!

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