The idea of Ahmadinejad and whoever runs Israel these days sitting round a camp fire singing happy songs together needs to be at least tried, surely.
It conjures up a Gary Larsonesque picture of Mid-East leaders, mouths bulging with cowboy dampers, trying to sing along and do actions to “Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had Father Abraham …” before sneaking off to the river banks for a ciggy as the crickets crick and Obama snoozes after a few scout leader Special Brews. Ah yes, I can picture it all now even though I was never in the scouts. Boys together.
In another existence as a student, this piece by CPE Bach (one of JS Bach’s many children) became the source of a competition to see who could finish fastest. I got ‘rumbled’ during practice by one of my tutors, a blind man who sauntered into the room to ask who it was by. I told him it was CPE to which he replied “Pah! Idiot”.
I was offended by this seeing as it was the one piece I’d managed to learn all the way through and asked why. His response was, “If you’ve got twenty kids, one of them is bound to be an idiot”.
Publink Transport regret to announce the untimely passing of railway inspector ‘Blind’ Jim Sandwich who was unfortunately hit by the 12.40 express to Kings Cross. Accident investigators say he was extremely well trained.
A Swiss amateur parachutist?! Now why does that remind me of the old ‘If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you’ joke? “Sorry, I’m afraid Kurt cannot zecuckooclockgewindlich until we again untangle him from ze ski lift” Who’s going to try out the replica of Da Vinci’s helicopter then? Prince William?
I have to admit I did chuckle at the kid on ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ last weekend when he delivered the gag about having a steering wheel stuck down his pants with the punchline ‘ it’s driving me nuts’. Best not get all Daily Mail squeamish and baulk at the loss of innocence etc., but there is something vaguely unpleasant about parents who shove their kids on stage, silently mouthing their routine from the wings. It’s a little like watching those insane dads at schoolboy football tournaments who, given the opportunity, would clout anyone for the slightest suggestion of unfairness. Britain’s got talent? Perhaps. Britain’s got scarily like the US? Definitely. Still, I suppose without talent shows and pushy parents we’d never have found the likes of Britney S and Kelly O and Paris H and then where would we be eh?
Okay, suffice to say my parents didn’t call me Midgetgems but I was eating them when I had to choose a username (not eating my parents, that would be very silly and wrong, they were dead anyway … moving on then …) I started writing comedy in 2004 and well, it stuck. New to here so bear with me and we’ll get the funny stuff up soon.
Meanwhile, do please have a listen to some of me podcasties and let me know what you think.
