Midgetgems Comedy

Party pooper

midgetgems — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:29:29 +0000

From the Lincolnshire Echo:
‘Festivities will start in the cathedral at 7.30 p.m. The bishop of Lincoln will be present to end the celebrations’

N.Korea to adopt shania law

midgetgems — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:27:45 +0000

George W Bush looks set to leave the world stage on an all-time high after talks with North Korea broke down with accusations that there was ‘way too much’ Shania Twain in the negotiations.

Communist military officials were overheard by US agents discussing the possibility of a dastardly plot to wrong foot Mr Bush over proposals that talks should be based on his ‘Country Plan’, a specially designed peace agenda that incorporates line dancing in case ‘folks start talking about serious stuff’.

A senior Bush aide complained, “They was protesting right there in the room, right when Shania sings ‘Man, I feels like a roman”. We heard ‘em talking about their ‘New Korea’ ambitions, ammunitions, what the heck. We jus’ gone have to plum nucularise ‘em now”.

North Korea’s blatant antipathy towards country star Shania Twain has long been a thorn in Mr Bush’s flesh. It was she who brought him comfort in the heady days after 9/11 and the New Orleans disaster with ‘I’m outta here’. In the run up to the Iraq war her mystic guidance in the words ‘That don’t impress me much’ is thought to have formed the basis of his relationship with Gordon Blair.

North Korea forms part of an island off the coast of Peru. Or is expected to soon.

One man’s country is another man’s

Pic courtesy of thespoof

Anyone else think so?

midgetgems — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:16:42 +0000

Question:

Click here for Answer

Your Home May Be At Risk!

midgetgems — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 11:39:01 +0000

Ladies and Gentlemen

We are proud, nay, itching to present

www.yhmbar.com

Your Home May Be At Risk - a new 5 minute comedy podcast

Any and all feedback greatly appreciated - Thank you

Yak butter soup winner

midgetgems — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:10:52 +0000

The winner of last month’s comedy soup competition was none other than Rod Emu of Hull who sent in this delicious summer recipe best served cold.

Ingrediente:
12 barrels finest yak dripping
A pinch of milled grist
152 lbs “Dawkins Reserve” curry powder
Tar
Methode:
Ritually tar the vassals and get them to wash a suitable vessel. Heat 11 barrels of dripping, gently stirring the Dawkins as you wonder about croutons, yaks and that 12th barrel. Bring to boil and add pinch of grist to taste. Serve with abandon.

Well done Rod, we’ll be sending you some counterfeit M&S wine vouchers and a pair of complimentary tickets for the Obesity Rollers re-union concert

Next month’s super comp is ‘Poke a celeb’ - Keep an eye out for that one!

Overheard

midgetgems — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:48:07 +0000

TV- ‘This is a match Liverpool can definitely win, if they can just score enough goals’

SHOP- ‘You do realise we can’t change underwear’

STREET- ‘You got 4 C’s? Smart-arse!’

Ring roads

midgetgems — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:01:32 +0000

‘This is a distinctly open-air and boisterous game; it is popular in Birmingham’

(From ‘The Joyous Book Of Singing Games’ by John Hornby)

Interesting fact of the day: Ring roads are so called thanks to Birmingham. In Victorian times, passers-through would often be besieged by mad inhabitants singing ‘Ring o’ Roses’ until a slightly deaf inventor was suddenly inspired to build the first one.

Embargo brute!

midgetgems — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:44:10 +0000

Just looking at over 7,000 anagrams for Robert Mugabe (as you do) . Some of the more interesting ones:

True barge mob

Brute mega rob

Brute mob rage

Gut me a robber

and

Great bum bore

Nothing much

midgetgems — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:09:17 +0000

A famous person just puts this icon on his blog and gets loads of comments.

Me? I’d prefer to give you something for bothering to click here

Here’s twenty pounds, keep the change.

££££££££££££££££££££

Sys.err …

midgetgems — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:44:56 +0000

What if erring on the side of caution is the wrong thing to do?